Is that all I get?

I got the new Ipod for christmas, a 30 gig video. This thing is amazing. It plays videos, songs, photos and even talks to you and bakes cookies. But the thing is that it's battery life isn't much longer than the time it takes me to do a chin-up (aproximately 8-9 hours) but I can live with that. That's not the real problem with the Ipod. Oh no.

I'll tell you the real problem.

So I was playing solitare on this thing. I love solitare. I suck at solitare. But I love it. I've already spent more time on this thing than I do sleeping (ok not really) but I have a feeling it will take a grasp of my life to the extent that twinkies have. Well I was playing solitare a few nights ago. I was in my room, sitting in bed and I'm starring at this screen. My eyes are practically dying here. I'm squinting at this little screen, carefully placeing each little card in each little space. After many painful minuets of squinting, scrolling and clicking each little card in place, I finally got every last little bugger in there for the first time. Let me tell you, this was a landmark in Kyle Smucker history. Almost as big as the time that I.... well.... I can't think of anything. So basically, this would be the timeline of my life as of now.

The life and times of Kyle Smucker:

1990- born 2005- wins solitare
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So obviously I'm expecting something big here. Like a message directly from apple, like a live streaming video will pop up directly from the IPod staff: "Congragulations, Mr. Smucker!" some young blond lady will say enthusiastically, "You've won!" I would then later on recieve my new car and a year's supply of chocolate carmel Ice cream. Frot page of the paper: BOY WINS SOLITARE, MILLIONS ASTOUNDED!

But no. This is too much to ask. All I got was these painfully simple words:

We have a winner!

We have a winner? WE HAVE A WINNER? WHAT? Is this all? Is this all Apple has to offer for the mighty victor of the card game solitare? No car? No blond lady? Not even a little animated firework show? I stared at the screen, waiting for something more. Obviously there is a joke being played on me here. Obvisouly there is something going on, some sort of crazy prank. I'm waiting for a creepy looking guy with a combover wearing a suit to come up to me and yell, "Got cha! You're on cadid camera!" But I have a feeling that this is but a far of dream.

After my long period of hard work, after the toil and struggle, the climax of it all is a little message saying I'm a winner. Now how depressing is that? It's like working your butt off as a painter all your life and when you finally submit it into the grandest art competion of all you get a little ribbon that says "well this blows, but at least you tried." This one hurts, apple. This really hurts.

Defeated,
KYLE

Hippies: wastes of space or world changers? You decide! Just kidding, I decide.

Hippies... hippies are annoying me.

Now I don't mean as people. I love hippies as people. Most of them are great people, such as my good friend Mikey. He's a hippy and he's a nice guy. Hippies are nice guys. Its not thier personality that sucks. It's their overall purpose that sucks.

Hippies think they can sit around and change the world. Those two things don't really go together. See they go off into the woods and light up and have peace circles and sing songs. They say with peace they can change the world.

Theres a problem with that. Sure peace can change the world. But what is a circle of pot heads singing songs out in the woods going to do? Do you think that's going to stop a war? No. Do you think Woodstock really changed the Vietnamm war? No, not really. Mostly it was just a great concert.

Hippies, I have a message for you. Put on some shoes. You're not doing anything but taking up space if your going to sit around and be little bums. No... you have to get active! Get involved in politics. I'll tell you something: the first hippy that is elected as a congress man will change more than every other hippy in the world has ever changed. Basically, do something constructive.

Wolrd peace is awesome, but honestly, sitting around with a bong isn't doing anything for it.
Actually, it's probablly making it worse considering many wars in South America are involved with drugs.

So anyway, put down the protest signs and actually do something. Trust me, Bush could care less about another protseter. In his words "you get used to it after a while".

Christmas

It's christmas. I love christmas. Why do I love it, you ask? Why else? PRESENTS! I'm not going to hide my childish feelings about today. PRESENTS RULE

I know I know. I go around blabbering about how we all need to give everything up and sell our shoes to save the whales and feed all the children in Siberia. Well so I'm a fat hypocrite. Sue me.

And now we shall proceed with the normal blog: me wining about America to the audiance of a couple of dorks who stumbled on my blog. Well sit back and relax whoever you may be.

CHRISTMAS............ it's meaning is nothing anymore. What could it possibly be? We all know its a day were we pass out presents and give egg nog to people (what in the world is nog anyway) and eat cookies and things like that. But why? Why on this particular day of the year?

"WHO GIVES A DANG?" says corporate buisness man Joe! He doesn't care! Joe owns a local circuit city and you're buying all of his merchandice. What could be better!

Joe is certainly happy with his yearly christmas income. But after a while he decides he wants MORE! Christmas= $$$ but how can we make it bigger? Advertising! Joe suddenly has a genius idea. We can go around pushing how great our stuff is in everyone's clueless little faces on regulated intervals until they become corparate slave zombies that come baring gifts of great bundles of cash. It's amazing!

Once Joe has his legion of zombies, other stores realize how amazing this is. Sooner or later, zombies are getting injected with shot after shot of marketing ploys and the Christmas seson suddenly becomes another buisness term.

Why do I even care about all this? Well besides the fact that my brain has become a limp noodle and is hanging out of my ears and will possibly disinigrate if I see that Verizon Wireless commercial on TV again, It's destroying tradition as effectively as a fat guy sitting on a small poodle. Traditions of family and friendship have been replaced by emptying your wallets so The Man can have some extra gravy on his ham.

"So kyle, you little smarty pants, were did christmas come from then?" Well actually it had to do with this guy named Jesus being born, but you know what, if I go on this blog will probably become banned from the internet because it seems Jesus is as bad as a curse word in public property but I highly recommend looking into his stuff he's a cool guy.

"Ok so you've cleared that up...sort of. But what are you going to do to stop commercializing, Kyle?" Actually I was about to go off to a protest but I had to go buy my dad an electric razor but I'll try to do something next year. Plus I had cookies to eat.


I hope this made you're christmas a little gollier, It sure did for me. Tis the season to be a self proclaimed genius!
KYLE

Day of Snow

Today is a snow day. Seeing as there is no school. Honestly there could have been school today. The roads are clear. But I think the school staff is going insane and desperately need a break.

In other countries there are rain days. The streets are flooded with rain and people can't go anywere. Did you know that half of the worlds population can't afford shoes? This is my thought of the week. Ponder. I command you.



I'm off to chow down on some food.
PS
Don't listen to Catch33 by Mashuggah. It's really repetative and will drive you crazy.