Is that all I get?
I got the new Ipod for christmas, a 30 gig video. This thing is amazing. It plays videos, songs, photos and even talks to you and bakes cookies. But the thing is that it's battery life isn't much longer than the time it takes me to do a chin-up (aproximately 8-9 hours) but I can live with that. That's not the real problem with the Ipod. Oh no.
I'll tell you the real problem.
So I was playing solitare on this thing. I love solitare. I suck at solitare. But I love it. I've already spent more time on this thing than I do sleeping (ok not really) but I have a feeling it will take a grasp of my life to the extent that twinkies have. Well I was playing solitare a few nights ago. I was in my room, sitting in bed and I'm starring at this screen. My eyes are practically dying here. I'm squinting at this little screen, carefully placeing each little card in each little space. After many painful minuets of squinting, scrolling and clicking each little card in place, I finally got every last little bugger in there for the first time. Let me tell you, this was a landmark in Kyle Smucker history. Almost as big as the time that I.... well.... I can't think of anything. So basically, this would be the timeline of my life as of now.
1990- born 2005- wins solitare
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So obviously I'm expecting something big here. Like a message directly from apple, like a live streaming video will pop up directly from the IPod staff: "Congragulations, Mr. Smucker!" some young blond lady will say enthusiastically, "You've won!" I would then later on recieve my new car and a year's supply of chocolate carmel Ice cream. Frot page of the paper: BOY WINS SOLITARE, MILLIONS ASTOUNDED!
But no. This is too much to ask. All I got was these painfully simple words:
We have a winner!
We have a winner? WE HAVE A WINNER? WHAT? Is this all? Is this all Apple has to offer for the mighty victor of the card game solitare? No car? No blond lady? Not even a little animated firework show? I stared at the screen, waiting for something more. Obviously there is a joke being played on me here. Obvisouly there is something going on, some sort of crazy prank. I'm waiting for a creepy looking guy with a combover wearing a suit to come up to me and yell, "Got cha! You're on cadid camera!" But I have a feeling that this is but a far of dream.
After my long period of hard work, after the toil and struggle, the climax of it all is a little message saying I'm a winner. Now how depressing is that? It's like working your butt off as a painter all your life and when you finally submit it into the grandest art competion of all you get a little ribbon that says "well this blows, but at least you tried." This one hurts, apple. This really hurts.
Defeated,
KYLE
I'll tell you the real problem.
So I was playing solitare on this thing. I love solitare. I suck at solitare. But I love it. I've already spent more time on this thing than I do sleeping (ok not really) but I have a feeling it will take a grasp of my life to the extent that twinkies have. Well I was playing solitare a few nights ago. I was in my room, sitting in bed and I'm starring at this screen. My eyes are practically dying here. I'm squinting at this little screen, carefully placeing each little card in each little space. After many painful minuets of squinting, scrolling and clicking each little card in place, I finally got every last little bugger in there for the first time. Let me tell you, this was a landmark in Kyle Smucker history. Almost as big as the time that I.... well.... I can't think of anything. So basically, this would be the timeline of my life as of now.
The life and times of Kyle Smucker:
1990- born 2005- wins solitare
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So obviously I'm expecting something big here. Like a message directly from apple, like a live streaming video will pop up directly from the IPod staff: "Congragulations, Mr. Smucker!" some young blond lady will say enthusiastically, "You've won!" I would then later on recieve my new car and a year's supply of chocolate carmel Ice cream. Frot page of the paper: BOY WINS SOLITARE, MILLIONS ASTOUNDED!
But no. This is too much to ask. All I got was these painfully simple words:
We have a winner!
We have a winner? WE HAVE A WINNER? WHAT? Is this all? Is this all Apple has to offer for the mighty victor of the card game solitare? No car? No blond lady? Not even a little animated firework show? I stared at the screen, waiting for something more. Obviously there is a joke being played on me here. Obvisouly there is something going on, some sort of crazy prank. I'm waiting for a creepy looking guy with a combover wearing a suit to come up to me and yell, "Got cha! You're on cadid camera!" But I have a feeling that this is but a far of dream.
After my long period of hard work, after the toil and struggle, the climax of it all is a little message saying I'm a winner. Now how depressing is that? It's like working your butt off as a painter all your life and when you finally submit it into the grandest art competion of all you get a little ribbon that says "well this blows, but at least you tried." This one hurts, apple. This really hurts.
Defeated,
KYLE
posted by kyle at 7:20 PM
2 Comments:
haha that's hilarious -- i feel for u.
happy new year!
oh. i know! i would slave away at my ipod during indoor track meets for hours and hours... and when i finally finish, all i get for my hard, horrible work, is "We Have a Winner!"... its not even in all caps... i would feel that my ipod would really care about me or at least a little more... but no.
*angry face!*
Post a Comment
<< Home