Holidays

Thanksgiving is a good holiday. It’s just great. I mean you get to sit around and eat stuff a lot. Everyone sits around a big table and give thanks we aren’t starving like millions of small children in Africa and in celebration stuff our faces until we can’t eat anymore. After words you watch a bunch of buff men if tight pants slamming into each other at full force and then take a ceremonial Thanksgiving Day Poo that usually ends up clogging the system for over a week.

The other reason Thanksgiving is a great holiday is because you don’t have to commit to it. No presents sending to all of your friends, no decorations, no cards, none of that stuff. All it is a big dinner. Now THAT’S a holiday I can live with!

Christmas is good too. But the problem with Christmas is that it’s so commercialized. We’ve got Christmas sweaters, shirts, shorts, pants, earrings, snowboards, sleds, trees, candles, hats, coffee mugs, night lights, paint container, toothbrush holders, tape dispensers, rocket propelled grenades, and fingernail polish. The list goes on and on. America is working as much money out of Christmas they can. There is already Christmas music on the radio! I’m going insane! It’s not even Thanksgiving yet you morons! All this “Santa’s Around the Bend,” “Rudolf’s Hopping Along,” “Dancing around the Christmas Tree,” “Fat Aunt Marge is staying in you room for a week,” It’s too much. Lets at least restrain it to the month of December.

Then there is the Holiday I will never understand. New Years Eve. What is the deal here? The earth spun around the sun again HOORAY lets make a big fat deal out of it. Who even came up with when a new year starts anyway? I mean there isn’t even any good food involved here. Just crappy party favors. I WANT TURKEY. Turkey could even save this waste of a holiday.

Here's the deal. Holidays are good. But instead of keeping everyone's joy and cheer for a single day, lets spread it through the whole year. Along with the christmas presents.

KYLE